I hate when someone gets anointed in our industry as being “authentic.”
Isn’t that a given for all human beings?
Whether they are authentic heroes or jerks, they are always being who they are…authenticity is not a learned skill.
There are exceptions…as I found out when I met comedian Steven Wright in person.
If you don’t know who he is, check out his stage persona here and expect to laugh for over 11 minutes of 65 hysterical one-liners.
He’s hypnotic. Dare I say scary.
When I met him in person at a friend’s wedding (my friend was his publicist at the time), he was much more than deadpan one-liners…although I wouldn’t call him a riveting conversationalist either.
Be that as it may, he was clearly not his “authentic self” while on stage.
Let’s call him an outlier regarding today’s thesis because not being his authentic self on stage is an “act.”
When I am in the audience at a seminar or conference, and some “thought leader” (hate that term…I prefer “results leader”), is speaking, whoever is sitting next to me often whispers “Isn’t he/she authentic?”
To which I always answer:
Is there any other way to be?
In thinking about this in the context of an interaction on LinkedIn from two years ago, I came up with an interesting distinction.
Well…interesting to me…and hopefully interesting to you. 🙂
It’s the non-semantic distinction between authenticity and consistency.
On LinkedIn…or anywhere: Engage (contribute) first…connect second
I receive somewhere between 50 and 200 invitations a week to connect with all of my best friends (who I have never met) on LinkedIn.
I used to email each one to explore the relationship (at least superficially) before accepting…I flamed out on that policy due to a “numbers crunch” …too many requests, too little time. 🙁
With so many requests per week, I needed to prioritize responding to folks who are not selling me something immediately…and even more to folks who I seem to have affinity with and/or folks who I might even know.
Don’t you hate LinkedIn requests from folks who assume they have known you forever and think they can immediately book a call with you, make an offer…and then make it your fault for not responding on their second and third follow up?
I don’t know about you but I need a little more romance before I commit to anything. 🙂
On the other end of the spectrum, I received an invitation to connect a couple of years ago that was especially memorable, from a woman who was a member of a mastermind I spoke at ten years prior:
Hi Brian,
You made an impression on me [at the ________ mastermind] in 2014.
It’d be an honor to connect with you.
And are you still umpiring baseball? I remember you love baseball.
This certainly beats the request that says, “I see we have many mutual connections so can I sell you a bridge?”
It’s also a lesson on how to send an engaging LinkedIn request which are few and far between.
It’s like the emails/requests I used to send to LinkedIn “prospects” when I had the time:
Create a connection before connecting…by contributing first.
And this one was a divine contribution and deserved some serious engagement from me.
I thanked her for remembering me so favorably…and that she even remembered one of my passions (baseball, specifically umpiring).
I told her I remembered her…which was authentic… 🙂 …and I sent her this blog post about why I umpire baseball.
And that led to going even deeper with her with her next response:
Thanks for sharing your article.
I very much resonate with the principle of being an umpire, because you didn’t strike me as someone who would “do something to get noticed”.
Unlike so many people I come across in business and life, this is precisely the reason you stood out to me since you radiate as a person who seeks excellence without recognition and status.
We are kindred spirits.
This is why I still remember our first interaction all those years ago, because it didn’t seem to matter to you that you were having a conversation with a newbie.
You were generous with your time and energy which I very much appreciated.
I was obviously touched.
And I am not sharing this encounter to brag about someone saying nice things about me…but rather to prove a point.
Admittedly, I didn’t recall the conversation I had with her in detail at the mastermind…I didn’t have to…since it “sounded like me.”
If it was/is consistent in how I live my life:
Knowing that being authentic is a given—and I don’t need to think about who I was (or trying to be) at that moment in 2014.
My reply:
Thanks for remembering me that way Jen.
And you just gave me a blog post idea.
Even though I remember you, I don’t remember what we talked about…but it sounds consistent.
Consistency means interacting with everyone the same way, regardless of their expertise, background or what you can do for them or what they can do for you.
That’s very different from being authentic.
If you need to work at being authentic, you aren’t authentic.
We are kindred spirits.
Not a bad result/interaction/engagement from a LinkedIn request?
And whether she bought anything from me or if I bought anything from her was irrelevant.
I love a term coined by one of my Titans Xcelerator members that applies here:
Relationship Ascension
It’s more of an oxymoron given the fact that “ascension” as a marketing term is all about going from low ticket to higher ticket and making more money.
You know…a funnel or some relative of a funnel.
But a relationship funnel?
What a waste of time if it doesn’t make money immediately, right?
Not.
I will take a vetted relationship over a sale every day of the week…because people don’t refund relationships, only transactions.
And “Relationship Ascension” yields customers for life by getting rich slowly.
Let’s call it “Patient Marketing.”
Additionally:
“Treat everyone like you would want to be treated”
And: “Always give of yourself first and don’t be selfish”
Or simply: “Be a mensch.
In closing, I’m reminded of a wonderful quote from Winston Churchill:
“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.”
The purpose of sharing all of this with you today is not to pat myself on the back…it’s about the importance of being true to yourself, always being congruent, and never having to talk about “being authentic” because your authenticity is a given.
Be scared…be very scared…when you hear people teaching and preaching about “being authentic” …which is not something you can “learn.”
It’s simply you being you…all the time…without ever thinking about it.
Except for Steven Wright, that is. 🙂
And if you must think about “being authentic” or trying to be the same person in your “front stage life” as your “backstage life,” please re-think that very carefully.
The best practice (which is also convenient) is to be the same person all the time (not difficult to do)…and then there is never anything to explain or apologize for…with no excuses necessary for inconsistent behavior because you are always consistent.
And there will be no confusion when you get a LinkedIn request from someone who remembered your consistency even when you have no recollection.
Consistency speaks for itself. 🙂
Warmly,
Brian
P.S. “Relationship Ascension” will be on full display at the live event I am hosting on October 22nd and 23rd in Greenwich, Connecticut (near New York City).
On the surface it’s a way to get my Titans Xcelerator Mastermind members off their Zoom screens and into “the arena” (i.e. live and in person, pants mandatory)…contributing and connecting at the highest level…with experts (and some legends) of direct response marketing and copywriting in the room.
However, it’s open to you too–my wider online family who needs to get offline as well (yes, we will still talk about AI at the event but no Bots will be invited). 🙂
Click here for the details and I hope you will consider joining us in October.
A travel and logistics email will follow once you register which will include a discounted room block at our special boutique hotel…plus we will give you more details about this epic event.
It’s limited to 50 people and we are currently 65% booked.
And true to this post today, it is much more than a “transaction” (i.e. paying for a live event)…because your registration includes a one year membership to Titans Xcelerator.
Why have a live event without continuing the relationships after the event?
Relationship Ascension at its finest. 🙂
And it is you who will get rich slowly (but not at a snail’s pace either)…because I am a results leader…as are all of the members of Titans Xcelerator.
Please check out “Titans Xcelerator LIVE” here.