Asking from somewhere

I received an email this week from a friend who is a successful results leader in marketing…asking me to promote her new book…with no compensation.

She went on, almost surprised, that she had been receiving a lot of positive feedback when making this request.

I told her she shouldn’t be surprised…and I said yes to her request without hesitation.

Because it was an ask from somewhere.

Where does that “somewhere” come from?

I shared the following with her…because she had done the work to get to this point in her career (and in her relationship with me)…and I am compelled to share it with you today as well.

What does it mean to make an “ask from somewhere?”

Let me define it by first talking about what an “ask from nowhere” looks like:

It’s when you ask someone for their time, their expertise, or try to sell them something with no relationship established…or you simply want to “pick their brain.”

My friend Joe Polish says, “when they say they want to pick your brain, they are often trying to pick your pocket.”

That is, of course, if it’s an “ask from nowhere.”

And you should know that when you ask for these things from others—who are busy, possibly an expert, maybe even “famous” … or just people that have something you want—they are often not sitting by their phone, or on email, LinkedIn or Facebook waiting for you to ask them.

So, what if you could always make those kinds of “asks” with confidence, knowing that when you ask you will always get a “yes” to your request?

I maintain that you can…although you can’t be a “non-stop asker” …and it takes time and effort to develop the skills and precision to make it happen.

Why do you (maybe) get more “no’s” than “yeses” to most of your asks?

It could mean you’re a “taker”—someone who is only interested in yourself, what you can get from others, and you have no intention of giving anything in return.

It could mean you’re a “matcher”—that is, you feel “owed” something from the person you are asking because you have given to them previously and it’s time for them to pay their debt to you; or vice versa (“I can give you something if you give this to me”).

But if you are a sincere “giver,” over a long period of time (and “long” is in the eye of the beholder—but it’s more than a casual acquaintance and calculated in years rather than months), you will get more yeses for sure.

(Note: The terms takers, matchers and givers are from the book Give and Take by Adam Grant—which I highly recommend and I used it as a stepping off point in my book, Overdeliver.)

How do you get to a place in your life (and career) where you can develop these deep relationships and never make an ask from nowhere?

A place where people say yes before you even get your question out?

That’s what my 4-part video series from 2020 was all about which took on the topic:

“How to Surround Yourself with Mentors Who Will Stop at Nothing to Help You Succeed.”

Here is a link to Part Four (with links to the other three parts as well) …and gives you the solution…and in the process, how to never make an ask from nowhere ever again.

But if you like the written word better than video (I know I do!), let me give you a summary of each of the videos so you can have this formula without needing to “go to the videotape.”



1. Get the right people in your corner

You’ve got to start with a blank slate.

When beginning your journey, find the people who you want to learn from the most, never ask them for anything, and absorb as much as you can from them any chance you get.

This first step is easy.

Just be curious…and be a sponge.

And if you get to meet them, it’s a bonus.

And if you can’t meet them (e.g. they are no longer with us) the same rules about absorbing what they left behind are equally meaningful.

Dead mentors should not be underestimated. 🙂

There are only two questions you should ask them if you get to communicate with them, both of which are about them, not you:

1. Anything to do with a specific piece of knowledge they have shared with you, whether live, in a book, anywhere, and simply listen to the answer without trying to show how smart you are.
   
2. If you happen to have a superpower where you think this person could utilize you, offer it up (only in the context of the conversation and of course free of charge)—with 100% conviction and zero expectation of a return from your offer.

 
And I repeat, free of charge.

Only do this if you really have the chops in something (i.e. you are world class at it)–and it needs to be something this person can practically use.

If you don’t have something you can offer with those criteria, then just keep repeating #1 above…without being a pest…and without taking advantage of their goodwill or their time.

Note: You are not, at this point, accumulating people; rather, you are accumulating knowledge.

If the people come along for the ride, it’s gravy at this stage.



2. Who you are looking for is you

In this video, based on a brilliant concept from Dan Sullivan (the top coach for entrepreneurs in the world), I created an exercise that’s a little different (but related) from the way that Dan uses it.

The most important point:

It is not a testament to your ego—just the opposite.

Let me explain.

The exercise:

Make a circle in the middle of a piece of paper and extend 8 “spokes” out from that circle.

Write “YOU” in the circle…and then write the names of 8 people who you admire, look up to, or you simply love a particular attribute about them that you would like to incorporate into your own personality.

Any of the 8 can be living or dead.

Then—write the ONE attribute that made you put that person on one of the spokes (although there might be many attributes that you could choose for each).

Choose the most significant to you.

Do that for all 8 people.

The attribute can be a mindset (e.g. “contribute to connect”) or a habit (e.g. “voracious reader”)—anything that binds you to that person in the biggest way.

Note: Not only is this exercise not for ego purposes it’s also not to create envy.

And if you put someone on the wheel that you feel envy for, you must keep them on–but you also must go to “gratitude from envy.”

That is, this person (who you might be envious of), would probably share with you—even teach you– their secret to the attribute you would want to have.

Envy comes from you, not them.

Envy kills, gratitude thrills.

(I just made that up, but I won’t take credit for it) 🙂

The next step in this exercise is to rate each of the 8 people on a scale of 1 to 10 on the mindset or habit you chose–and I would assume that each of those people would be a 10…or a 9 at worst.

Then rate yourself in each of the 8 attributes as well, 1 to 10.

Pro tip: I had one person on one of my spokes who I greatly admire and rated him a “10” in “protects privacy/values time as his most precious commodity.”

However, my goal would not to be a 10.

I just want to get to a 7 from a 4.

Being a “10” with that attribute is too severe for me. I like people too much. 🙂

That’s a legit way to deal with the wheel if it’s what you want.

Hey…it’s your wheel…and life.

The result:

You now have 8 characteristics that you want more of to make your life more robust.

And where you need to do more work to get there.

The additional plus is that you will have a more precise description of the kind of person you might want to attract as a client, subscriber, member or friend as well.

Wouldn’t life be grand if you could do all these things on a regular basis?

I will maintain that it’s possible…but it takes work…by pulling in those attributes into your own life in a bigger way.



3. Your mentors choose you

I won’t go into everything about this video except to say that if you do everything I talk about in the first two videos, you will be “paid” in five different ways, with the fifth being “Reward.”

This is another concept I have borrowed from Dan Sullivan (and Joe Polish) who live their lives this way.

When you’ve got your “knowledge” and a great team in your corner—and you’ve gone deep on all of the characteristics, mindsets, attributes, habits you want in your own life and in the lives of the people you work with (and note that you can make multiple “wheels of 8”), you are ready to have everyone you interact with use you for your highest talents.

1. They UTILIZE you to your highest level
   
2. You ENHANCE everyone around you (and overdeliver to them as often as you can)
   
3. You APPRECIATE everyone you encounter
   
4. When applicable, you are the first to REFER others
   
5. You receive your REWARD (which may be money)

 
Here’s another lesson from Dan Sullivan…and why REWARD is #5:

Money is good but money is about the present and it is fleeting; your skills, relationships, resources are about the future…and they never go away and can never be taken from you.

The one thing I will say about these 5 elements of getting paid (and becoming rich) is that if you do the first 4 in spades—always looking for ways to be utilized, and enhance, appreciate and refer others–you can’t avoid getting paid.

How you determine your payment is up to you…as is becoming “rich.”

This is not a short-term proposition—I’ve been doing all of this for over 40 years, and I will work on this until the day I die because it’s what makes life worth living.

And I will never be perfect at it…far from it.

Also: I never expect anyone to be my mentor because I’ve asked them.

Or to say yes to every request I make (and I don’t make many).

However, the additional bonus of living your life this way is that your mentors may choose you when you’re not asking them.

And you never have to make an ask from nowhere ever again.



Warmly,



Brian



P.S. Many of you have been part of my online family for a long time…and many of the themes above I have hit on over the years of writing this blog.

Even last week when I defined “reciprocation” from the dictionary…with my spin on those definitions from a marketing perspective.

Creating the four-part video series to express these concepts was initially an act of desperation—they were filmed on my iPhone during the pandemic…and I have severe “COVID Hair” in the first three videos to prove it.

But since I was stuck at home it seemed like a good idea to do at the time…and it ended up a good thing to do for posterity…and to share it with you five years later too. 🙂

Near the end of video #4, I talked about some of the amazing coaches, mentors, advisors, entrepreneurs, copywriters who joined my virtual and affordable Titans Xcelerator Mastermind when I launched it in 2020.

I enjoy interacting with everyone in the group five years later…but let me brag on some of those original Titans:

• Pauline Longdon: A wonderful copywriter from Australia who came to the Titans of Direct Response event in 2014 (to attain knowledge and get people in her corner) …and since then has become an A-list copywriter—and she found her mentor (well, her mentor found her) and she has also become a mentor to many herself. (And she did it way faster than I did!)
• Lee Richter: A rock star in a variety of areas including being a mentor to thousands of female entrepreneurs while running multiple animal hospitals…and she’s also a serial entrepreneur who gives her time and expertise to all…and she’s in partnership with some of the best direct response marketers in the world because of it.
• Paul Bigham: A veteran in direct response, a direct mail savant, who knows more about charitable fundraising than anyone I know. And yes, he is a mentor to many as well. Including me.
• Ginger Rutz: “The Copy Sister” (she is the sister of world-renowned copywriter Jim Rutz) …and she was the genius behind the scenes that made Jim’s copy come to life.
• Chirag Patel: An entrepreneur from India making a splash with a Tennis Academy that mirrors the best in the world…working with many other Titans Xcelerators in collaboration to make that happen.
• Kim Krause Schwalm: A-List copywriter I hired in my days at Boardroom (she wrote multiple controls) …and since I’ve left Boardroom, she has continued her success with many of my clients…and others.

This is just a smattering of the awesome folks who joined Titans Xcelerator at the beginning…indicative of the current membership (and some of the above are still members).

And those who aren’t members anymore?

They remain lifelong friends.

They are still folks I would do anything for…they can ask me anything with an enthusiastic  “yes” in return …and vice versa.

Once a Titan, always a Titan. 🙂

I am so proud of what we have built with this one-of-a-kind virtual mastermind, now entering its 6th year, with many more members equal to the prowess and influence of some of those “originals.”

I am so glad I have an “online family within my online family.”

And now is the best time to join…with all the technological advances happening in marketing and copywriting (AI being just one of those) …and the access I have to hundreds of experts who I can “ask from somewhere” to appear as guest speakers…and even become new members.

There are so many exciting things going on inside the group:

• Two to four live monthly calls…with those top marketing and personal development experts…plus hot seats, in depth discussions…and presentations from the members themselves (top marketing and personal development experts in their own right), like the ones mentioned above.
•  Access to all the calls inside a private portal for immediate access… along with AI summaries.
• A selection each month from the “Titans Vault” (presentations from my live $20,000 per year Titans Mastermind (over 8 years) …including the likes of Dan Kennedy, Jay Abraham, Perry Marshall and Jeff Walker)
• A “swipe of the month”—classic promotion that you can “steal smart” from…with a critique from me.
• Everything mentioned above is also delivered on a monthly USB thumb drive, mailed in a plastic case to your home or office…so you will have the content in your marketing library forever.
• The most active private Facebook group with Xcelerators sharing their best ideas and resources.
• Optional “Accountability PODS,” groups of four to six members, meeting weekly to enhance their experience, “asking and learning” …and being accountable to each other.
• And…Titans Xcelerator works as a de facto Board of Advisors…potential mentors, coaches, partners…who you can ask anything of (from somewhere) …because you are part of a special family…where asking from nowhere doesn’t exist.

 
Check it out here.

Hopefully I am asking from somewhere. 🙂