This past week I’ve heard from multiple friends and colleagues who recently lost a parent…and unrelated to that, I’ve also heard from four people in my life about their near-death experiences that I never knew about previously.
Tough week?
On the surface, yes.
But it has also been uplifting.
When discussing the fragility of life (which I have discussed in this blog before under the subject lines “The view from above ground,” “The view from below ground” and “A fourth life of nine”), I know it is a sensitive subject.
And contrary to what you may be thinking, I am not obsessed with death and dying every day…but rather, how to live in the present…through all the joy…and the grief.
Sadness exists in every one of those cases I mentioned above (and embedded in the discussions and condolences that follow).
For us, the living (and I am assuming that you are among the living since you are reading this), there is gratitude and positivity built in.
And this goes beyond saying things like, “they lived a great life” (which is an appropriate response but often does not help the grieving).
Since I have been overrun this week with more of this than usual, I feel compelled to share a story from a 2022 blog post that is especially timely…and timeless.
This story is one that I share when someone around me loses a loved one…only when they are ready to hear it…to let them know that loss of a loved one, while permanent, has an element of immortality attached.
The grief is always there…but there are things to observe every day that make the grief a little more bearable…and maybe even celebrating.
I believe that everything is on the table when you experience loss…and I hope that when you go through it, you can find peace and support in whatever ways that are meaningful to you.
The premise behind this story, as one of many ways to give support to the people I love who are grieving:
Recognize the signs (anywhere and everywhere) when those who have passed are trying to contact you or appear in your life.
Sometimes you need to be extra observant since it is not always obvious.
And sometimes it hits you in the face.
That’s what happened to me on February 5th, 2009.
Another thing you can do:
Write to your families (and yourself), online and offline, like I’m doing right now. 🙂
The pink tie that will never die
Setting the stage:
February 5th, 2009…my nephew Zachary’s 21st birthday…and I was attending a fundraising dinner to benefit ALS (“Lou Gehrig’s Disease”) …a devastating prognosis for anyone who suffers from it, since it involves a long, painful decline…with no cure.
The dinner included a silent auction with hundreds of items of sports memorabilia.
I wanted to buy a bunch of items to support the cause (for ALS research) …anonymously…and I was also looking for something to give to my sports fan nephew on this monumental day (when he was legally drinking at college while I was “shopping”).
I know that because I called him from the dinner and there was some loud celebratin’ going on the other end of the phone.
The pressure was on to find him the perfect gift…beyond a six pack or a bottle of Johnny Walker. 🙂
My dad, who died in 2005, is Zachary’s grandfather.
And Zach was his first (and unspoken favorite) grandchild.
One of the reasons was that Zach idolized him (as I did, albeit a little more quietly); and another more subtle reason was that Zach rooted voraciously for my dad’s alma mater in football, Penn State, as much as anyone who was not my dad (or me growing up).
Those of you who are not aficionados of college football might not know the story of the rise and fall of Penn State…from national powerhouse for decades, only to fall from grace, deservedly (and in a huge way), due to an internal sex abuse scandal involving an assistant coach.
You can read the sordid details here if you like.
While I wish my dad had lived longer, it may have been a blessing that he was not alive to witness the events leading up to the scandal (although I know he was turning in his grave throughout the ordeal).
The coach at Penn State during the good times…and then the demise (from 1966 until 2011) …was the legendary Joe Paterno.
He was a God in my household growing up…so when the scandal surfaced in 2011, it affected me a lot…and not in a good way.
Even though the culprit of these outrageous crimes (who is currently serving 30 to 60 years in prison) was one of Joe’s assistant coaches, Joe’s crime was equally heinous.
Joe’s crime was more about omission (i.e., not paying enough attention and not acting on what was going on) rather than one of commission.
Regardless, it cost him his job…and his legacy…all of it justified.
In 2009, the night of the fundraiser and Zach’s 21st birthday, Joe Paterno was still a hero in my family.
Sorry for that diversion but I needed to make sure you know I was not condoning Joe’s actions…only putting a timeline to the events.
What we knew about Joe Paterno in 2009 changed drastically in 2011.
Anyway, one of the items at the silent auction was a full-size Penn State football helmet signed by Joe Paterno.
After some fierce bidding (and a $565 donation), I won the helmet…and bought the ultimate birthday present for Zachary.
The story doesn’t end there, although it could have, since it was a neat coincidence that the helmet was available at the auction on Zach’s birthday.
But it goes beyond coincidence into the bizarre.
When I went to pick up the helmet, the gentleman who handed it to me was wearing a Burberry tie, from the iconic and recognizable clothing and accessory brand.
You’ve probably heard of Burberry and would recognize their products (known for their famous beige plaid design).
And since spell check made me capitalize Burberry, it must be an iconic brand. 🙂
Here’s the basic, most common design pattern used on many of their products:
However, the tie that the presenter of the helmet was wearing had a distinct Burberry variation, accentuated with pink—I guess even iconic and traditional brands can add a little color now and then:
Why is this significant?
I bought the identical pink Burberry tie for my dad to wear for my daughter’s Bat Mitzvah, in early 2005, just months before he died…and I then wore that tie to his funeral…and literally threw it into the grave as we were shoveling dirt to cover his coffin.
It’s a Jewish tradition for funeral participants to assist in shoveling dirt to honor the dead…and I only threw the pink tie into the grave because I was shoveling aggressively on a 90-degree August day…and the tie was soaked in sweat…so it seemed as good a place as any to deposit it.
So, what did this guy…in the pink Burberry tie…handing me the signed Joe Paterno helmet for my nephew…on his 21st birthday…signify to me?
My take is that it was my dad, visiting me through the man in the pink tie, teaching me about “reflex generosity” (see below) …and obviously approving of the kick ass gift for Zachary.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. 🙂
And I think my dad was also asking me to remember all the other lessons he taught me, most of which (including this one) were hidden in plain sight (because that was his way).
I shared those in a post where I told the story of the pink tie originally, on Father’s Day 2022, which included two other by-products from my dad which I identified as “Learning By Teaching” and “Reflex Generosity.”
You can read about those here.
One additional, final observation, and why I shared this story today (beyond the fact that February 5th just passed):
Whether or not you are religious, spiritual, agnostic, superstitious–or anything else– keep in mind that those who are no longer with us expended a lot of energy while they were above ground…and that energy needs to go somewhere.
Literally in the form of lessons they left us.
And more subtly, in the form of lessons they still want to share and accentuate with us, as gentle reminders, despite no longer being here in the flesh.
If it takes a tie and an autographed football helmet to get there, so be it.
These lessons and communications from those who have left us are there for the taking whenever you are attentive…aware…mindful…and if you are open to letting them in…and believe in a little bit of magic.
Note: There are still a lot of people in your life who are still alive who deserve the same kind of attention (with a little less magic involved). 🙂
I maintain that all our teachers and mentors…dead and alive…and anyone we look to for guidance and direction…
…are always communicating with us in one way or another, whether directly like my dad did or through what they left us with writings, lessons, videos, books etc….
…always teaching us so they can learn from the beyond…
…and for us to remain lifetime students as well…
…by showing rather than telling.
Warmly,
Brian
P.S. If you get anything out of being part of my online family and reading this Sunday blog each week and listening to my Timeless Marketing Podcast on Wednesdays, I want to let you know there is a more intimate family of mine you can join.
It’s called Titans Xcelerator.
And while I am not objective, I believe it is the best mastermind for anyone in direct response marketing looking for “Xceleration” …and transformation…at a fraction of the price of other masterminds.
Inside the group, we talk mostly about marketing on our multiple live calls every month…with members and guests alike…the best-of-the-best marketers strutting their (best) stuff.
We also spend time sharing thoughts about life…and death…and everything in between…which applies to marketing, whether obvious or not.
Like the blog post above.
Marketing does not exist in a vacuum…things like personal development, mindset, transparency are all features of being world class in anything, especially marketing…and no subject is off limits on the Titans Xcelerator calls or inside the private Facebook group.
When your personal life and business life are perfectly aligned, life is so much better. 🙂
This excerpt below is from a previous blog post…taken from a Buddhist text…and it appeared on the back of Marty Edelston’s business card.
Marty was my mentor.
It reads:
The Master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his education and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence in whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him he is always doing both.
How’s that for alignment?
This passage represents the goal for the over 250 current members of Titans Xcelerator–which is composed of the most dynamic and heart centered marketers, copywriters, business owners, agency CEO’s, funnel builders, launch specialists, media buyers and digital and brick-and-mortar entrepreneurs you will find anywhere–all helping each other get to a constant state of working while playing…and playing while working.
I guarantee that joining Titans Xcelerator Virtual Mastermind is the most impactful thing you can do for your career right now…it’s affordable by design…with accountability built in…and with over delivery at every step.
Call it my form of reflex generosity. 🙂
Click here to read all about it.
I hope you will join the family.