Enter a room like you’re supposed to be there and speak as if others need to hear you.”
-Sean Stephenson #Sean365
Today I encourage you to embrace the idea that we belong in every room we enter.
And enter in the spirit of “this will be the best experience ever.”
I know for some of you these two things seem unrelated and unreachable.
For many, it’s more like, “why am I here?” …and “I’m scared.”
Today I hope to flip the script for you on both of those issues.
A few weeks ago, I hosted what I call an “Intentional Dinner” in Tampa, Florida, with 14 badass marketers and copywriters (who came hungry…and not just for food).
The dinner followed the format of the famous “Boardroom Dinners” I was a part of during my 34 years, helping build Boardroom Inc into a direct marketing powerhouse …with the founder (and my mentor), Marty Edelston.
[If you own my book, Overdeliver, check out Chapter 10, pages 217-225 for the “full monty” about these special experiences…and how to do your own…but there is lots more about them below too.]
The premise of “The Boardroom Dinners” (in my words):
You gotta eat…so why not make the meal “sustenance” at a different level…with food…PLUS wisdom, contribution, connection, sharing…and maximum impact.
Marty would add that intentionality is the key component to make all those things happen (i.e. you get all those things in spades when you plan your work and work your plan…with “work” and “plan” referring to “dinner” in this case).
Rather than me explain it, here’s is what my buddy Kevin Rogers wrote to his community after attending the “Tampa Salon”:
Let me take you inside a private dining room (the Sancho Panza dining room to be exact), in a famous restaurant in Tampa’s Ybor City called The Columbia Restaurant, that opened in 1905.
I can’t divulge everything, of course, as this was a private dinner.
But I will divulge what I can…
I can tell you that this dinner was hosted by my great friend, Brian Kurtz—one of his famous “Boardroom Dinners.”
A way of gathering leaders of industry to meet, mingle, discuss, and debate the topics of the day.
The thing about Boardroom Dinners is that they are “intentional,” meaning Brian carefully chooses the guest list and seats them strategically based on their “zone of genius.”
And seat them in terms of similarities and differences (who wants to agree about everything?) in their genius zones…depending on how the jigsaw puzzle of the table comes together.
It’s easy to see the logic of why he would put writers like me, Matt Furey, and Doberman Dan in proximity, but Brian’s “intentions” are never as obvious as they seem.
To my right, sitting across from Doberman Dan, was a filmmaker who produces B movies, sometimes with Mark Ford as the producer. He, Dan, and Brian (between them) went deep into the topic of film history.
To my left was an up-and-coming copywriter who’d never met any of us and jumped at the chance to fly in from New Jersey just to be in the room. To his left was the brilliant, veteran copywriter, and passionate music-lover, Kristen Driscoll.
At the other end of the table was Troy Broussard, a marketing tech innovator who recently created the Berzerker Email platform with Ben Settle. Across from him was Gabe Arnold, another marketing tech leader who I personally worked with developing software in Copy Chief.
You get the picture. Not a bad seat in the room.
OK, so now that I’ve served up the proper amount of FOMO, let me get to the main course (pun intended).
During the dinner, Brian goes through the room introducing everyone individually, then invites them to share something they’re seeing, thinking, pondering, learning, or looking to solve, in their life or business.
A “pass the mic” exercise of epic proportions.
Needless to say, this session alone is worth flying across the globe (as some did, one attendee traveled from Chile) to be part of.
Just one idea could earn or save you millions—not to mention the new connection to the person who said it.
[Another intentional touch is the follow up after the dinner…where Brian sent everyone’s contact information, a “map” of the table for the visual types who can use it for recall…and other relevant items we talked about during the dinner.]
The coolest part though, is that a theme always emerges, like a throughline, that is a result of what the guests share and the prompts from the host (in this case Brian) as he/she goes around the table often building on what the previous guest had to say.
The theme that night in the Sancho Panza dining room, you ask?
Transition.
Most of the shares were rooted in the idea of eliminating the hustle of growing a business, keeping up with trends, adapting new technology… and all the other stuff people love to clog up your newsfeed with…
With an overarching theme about doing FOCUSED, MEANINGFUL WORK.
In essence, these 14 business owners, who’d all earned an extreme level of mastery in their fields, had all but unanimously concluded that the greatest wealth comes from focusing solely on the thing that you find the most meaningful.
In other words, for people who have “done it all,” their driving motivation is to start fresh and focus on what feels best.
To simplify it even more, they had all decided to start getting paid for the thing you would do for free.
Not what will “crush” the hardest, or totally dominate the market, or earn them another plaque to show off behind them on Zoom calls.
Making money?
They got that part solved.
It’s the “what you’re making money to deliver” part they are inspired to do now.
And while the theme of every dinner is different, having one conversation around the table with each person speaking with confidence on the topic they “own,” is transformative for all the attendees,
It never fails.
Also, each dinner begins with the host announcing that this one will be the “the best ever,” and at the end it always is…because it’s the one being experienced NOW…and will never be repeated in the same way with the same cast of characters again.
Everyone stays in the present.
It’s magical.
Having hosted or co-hosted over 150 of these dinners, I can tell you that there is no better way to spend an evening, listening to and learning from experts speaking inside their expertise, with an agenda and some structure.
The entire process sounds so simple, I know.
Why bother?
Because it feels like such a waste to pass up opportunities to create intentionality when we are blessed to be in the presence of an amazing group of experts.
I understand random and reactive behavior is fine.
But being intentional and proactive takes it up a notch.
I submit to you that with just a little pre-planning, you can turn every meal into a memorable experience, with far-reaching benefits that can last for years, decades… and dare I say your entire life.
The Boardroom Dinners I have hosted have done that for me.
As an attendee, the benefits are the same.
Whether it’s a family dinner or a convention of thousands of strangers (and everything in-between), a solid way to enter any room is with this thought in mind, paraphrased from my good friend, mentor and results leader, Lee Richter:
“I don’t need anything…I’m here to contribute.”
This is in addition to the quote from Sean Stephenson that led off this post.
When I wrote about “Intentional Dinners” in Overdeliver, I wrote how many dignitaries who attended didn’t think they belonged in such stellar company (despite being equally stellar).
This was always perplexing to me.
Maybe it was misplaced humility?
However, these self-described interlopers had extensive, multiple page, resumes and bios, describing decades of success in one industry or another, so it had to be more than that.
Maybe it was a case of that good old standby, imposter syndrome.
I have studied this “syndrome” in the past…having experienced it myself over the years; and I have had discussions about it over the years, inside my Titans Xcelerator Mastermind and elsewhere.
During those discussions, there was no one on those Zoom screens (50-100 of some of the best marketers and copywriters in the world) who had not experienced feeling like an imposter at some point in their lives.
And what about the guests without an expansive resume?
Most of those folks were intimidated from the get go upon receiving an invitation to a Boardroom Dinner.
There were even a couple of those at the Tampa dinner.
Getting an invitation was special…but always deserved…whether you were a source for an article in one of our newsletters, a resource for our company (e.g., copywriter, consultant, printer, media buyer) …or just a F.O.M. or a F.O.B. (Friend of Marty or Friend of Brian).
The concept of “everyone knows everything about something” always plays with experts and novices alike…watch this 6 minute video for an explanation about this phenomenon if you haven’t seen it before.
I use a version of this “pep talk” to relieve anxiety at the outset of the dinner…for guests experiencing some trepidation as well as those who are revved up to share freely…and I also use it in all situations where misplaced humility or imposter syndrome seem to be taking hold.
While it was understandable for a relative “newbie” to a Boardroom Dinner to play small (and less understandable for a giant in the business world), it was obvious that in both cases, it has little to do with their life experiences.
It has everything to do with self-confidence and knowing who they are and what they know.
In Overdeliver, I concluded with the number one reason why “everyone belongs”:
You are on the guest list. 🙂
In short, as a host, don’t allow anyone to play small at your dinners.
Author Rick Frishman, a regular attendee at these magnificent dinners, devoted an entire chapter to The Boardroom Dinners in his book, Networking Magic.
[For a PDF of the chapter, click here. Now you don’t need to buy my book :-)]
He summed them up like this (if you are looking to host an Intentional Dinner):
Start with the best people you can reach.
Invite your most interesting, enjoyable, entertaining friends and contacts.
Invite people you’ve heard about but don’t know.
Invite people whom you’ve wanted to meet.
Select guests who are experts in fields that interest you and in areas that you know nothing about.
It doesn’t have to be all talk.
If you know musicians, poets, or entertainers, then ask them to your gathering to liven up and diversify the mix.
Although good food certainly helps, great people should be your top priority.
[Also: A private room is mandatory for privacy. As is assigned seating…based on your knowledge of the guests…because you required everyone to send their Bios in advance]
Prepare and ask questions that will make your guests expound.
[Interject and connect the dots when appropriate from one attendee to another… to create a theme for the dinner…as Kevin talked about above]
Once they’re talking, sit back and let the magic work.
You’ll be amazed at what can happen when you add intentionality and structure to something as simple as “dinner.”
The notion of doing everything with intention—whether it’s entering a room or organizing a dinner—is not rocket science. But entering a room with confidence and being part of dinners/meetings with intentionality (as a host or a guest) are exceptional ways to live…and eat…with more gusto.
Warmly,
Brian
P.S. There is a third way to enter a room with confidence without anxiety. To review the first two:
- “Enter a room like you’re supposed to be there and speak as if others need to hear you.” (Sean Stephenson)
- “I don’t need anything.” (Lee Richter) AND
- Be peaceful when entering a room…enter with total acceptance…and give up “there is something wrong here.”
This third one is a “combo meal” of something I heard at a personal improvement seminar…and read inside a stale fortune cookie at the end of (what became) an intentional dinner. 🙂