My good friend Joe Polish has this warning for entrepreneurs, coaches, and all “marketing advice givers”:
Beware when someone asks to pick your brain because more times than not, they are picking your pocket
You may think Joe is being a bit cynical when he says this…and the irony is that Joe is one of the most giving and caring people in the world, allowing many to pick his brain regularly.
But that doesn’t take away from the point he is making…and why I wanted to write today about “pickpocket prevention.”
Like Joe, I am always open to giving free advice…whether I have something useful to deliver or not. 🙂
But I rarely think in terms of those who ask to pick my brain as taking advantage of me…until it’s too late.
I admit I’m a little naïve…and I also see my brain as similar to the brain of “A B NORMAL” from Young Frankenstein…
Definition of “too late” is when brain pickers never stop picking until you cut them off…and it is much less painful to cut them off early.
That’s why you need to cut them loose once you can identify the signs of a pickpocket in waiting…and I have some thoughts on spotting those signs.
Here is a checklist of ideas and thought processes you can use to save time, create less anxiety…and avoid loss (in income and general happiness) when a brain picker comes knocking (and picking):
- Assess how much the request is an “ask from nowhere”
I wrote a post about this (and repeated it a couple of times—it’s important) about how you make “asks” of others (i.e., requests and/or picking someone’s brain).
And whether you read it previously (or watched it—there are videos inside the post)–read and watch it now through the lens of those making requests of you.
Simply put, the more established the relationship you have with the brain picker, the closer you are to not getting your pocket picked.
But that’s only a starting point.
There are many subtleties involved and they are contained in that post and in the videos.
Check out “Never ask from nowhere again” by clicking here.
- Getting your pocket picked is more than simply losing money (e.g., someone asking for valuable advice that others have paid you top dollar to share with them)
It can also be about losing time (which translates to money).
But I think the biggest thing that gets picked (and disrupted) is your mental state…a depressed feeling that you are being taken advantage of…and a general malaise that something is not satisfying or excellent.
Those are the things that create the biggest loss.
Don’t assess on money or time alone…always ask, “How does this request make me feel.”
Then act in accordance with those feelings, sometimes at the expense of logic… and in the spirit of pure generosity; or ruthlessness when something in your gut tells you the request is “off.”
Try to get in touch with those feelings to begin the process of creating limits.
I am open to suggestions on setting limits because I am a work in progress on this one.
And I am aware of the limit where you can say “no” to anyone, anytime. I just have a hard time implementing that one often…
- In addition to setting limits based on feelings, set boundaries at the outset with specific guidelines…whether it’s a request from nowhere or somewhere…and set expectations and objectives of what you will do on a first brain picking meeting or call
It may be as simple as setting the meeting for 15 minutes with a hard stop…or as complex as having them send questions in advance before you say yes to anything.
Also good: Set objectives of what they want and what you want up front.
- Beware of the flattering pickpocket
My good friend Mark Ford says this about flattery (and I’m not embarrassed to admit that I subscribe to this philosophy myself):
“Flattery works. At least it does on me. I am equally pleased by insincerely given compliments as by genuinely felt ones.”
Fortunately for Mark, he avoids flattering pickpockets better than I do…but try to be aware when insincere compliments are being bestowed upon you…and try not to be a victim of a misdemeanor pickpocketing offense without realizing it’s happening.
Even if you can’t get rid of the suspect right away, try to pick up on clues of insincerity and make sure you call your internal “psyche police” to arrest the culprit before they commit a felony. 🙂
- Create a true sense of reciprocity…without setting up a 50/50 deal
This one takes some experience…with even more elegance…and you cannot keep score on a “reciprocity equation.”
I define “reciprocity” as Robert Cialdini, author of the classic book, Influence, defines it as his first “Principle of Ethical Influence”:
Reciprocation—You, then me, then you, then me…be the first to give service, information, concessions
Once you understand this principle, then your experience and elegance can take over.
Create a way to be first…with a 100-0 mindset as opposed to a 50-50 mindset…without getting taken advantage of…and be aware that “first” doesn’t mean “forever.”
You need to build protection for yourself while being the most generous person you can be.
- Someone picking your brain can always create windfall opportunities for them (and for you) under this principle of reciprocation…but it’s up to you to set it up in advance
One way to do this: Set up the initial meeting/call with defined boundaries (e.g., an objective with some kind of “what” to be explained or presented by you) …but since every “what” needs a “who” to do it…and then a “how” to get that “what” done…you can be the who (or the person who makes it happen) …for a fair price.
Give them a taste of your brilliance…and then rock their world with the follow through of your genius.
And feel free to charge appropriately.
Although I tend to not practice this as much as I’m preaching it here. 🙁
- One more pro tip from Cialdini (and I will paraphrase below) to advance the feeling of reciprocation when you are the first to give service, information or concessions–while getting your brain picked.
After you deliver what they are asking for in a helpful way, hopefully you will get a sincere “thank you.”
Note: If you don’t even get that, your pocket has already been picked! 🙂
Your response to that sincere “thank you?”
“You’re welcome. It’s what friends do for each other.”
This is a subtle way to forward pace “returning the favor” without asking for anything.
And…to get them to at least think about what the advice or counsel you just gave them might be worth to them…and that you did it out of friendship.
Even if nothing is ever given in return immediately (or ever), you will be able to tell whether you got your pocket picked just by their reaction.
Also, if you vet them properly at the outset, something magical will happen…at least in my experience.
They will become “friends with benefits” (and get your mind out of the gutter). 😊
These are non-sexual benefits that come back to you in the future whether from that brain picker or somewhere else in the universe (through a referral).
Or…the benefits come to you simply because of the good karma (and advice) you share on regular basis.
That’s just the way high integrity human beings…and the world…work.
I call this “serendipitous reciprocity” …when you put positive vibes into the world (which includes free advice), and the world rewards you when you are not expecting it.
And to be clear, it all begins with having zero expectations.
Under the right circumstances with the appropriate people, it all comes back to you from places you expect…and from places you don’t expect.
I’m not being woo-woo here. This is a blueprint for success and happiness.
The key features of anything you do for anyone (whether you interpret it as an honest brain pick or not), must never increase your anxiety, never be a money grab and never be a time suck…and it should always lead to peace and prosperity in your life.
And consider a pay day or other forms of compensation “gravy.”
Not every pickpocket makes it their career…you can rehabilitate many of them through the process described above…and make them useful members of society (and part of the league of blue-chip marketers too).
Then you can leave the rest of the pickpockets to mingle in large crowds with fat wallets (and vulnerable A B NORMAL brains). 🙂
Warmly,
Brian
P.S. I invite you to pick my pocket by picking my brain…and the brains of 50 of the most dynamic direct response marketers, copywriters and entrepreneurs on the planet…LIVE AND IN PERSON…on October 22nd and 23rd, in Greenwich, Connecticut (near New York City).
Speakers already confirmed:
- Jeff Walker, inventor of Product Launch Formula, responsible for revenue upwards of $1billion online, encompassing thousands of businesses and categories, not to mention his influence and impact on the marketing industry at large.
- Jason Friedman, THE customer experience guy…a trusted advisor to marketers and entrepreneurs you have heard of even if you haven’t heard of Jason. If you have ever heard him speak, you know he is on the cutting edge of everything to do with live events, gamification and experience marketing.
- Anna David, who is a bestselling author and entrepreneur, a TV personality on the side, and a “legacy publisher” …her own legacy and yours. 😊
- Ryan Lee, the “quick start entrepreneur” …an innovator in online marketing for three decades…who shares everything with anyone who wants to listen and learn from a master marketer…and listening to him and following his advice has led to millions in sales for those who have been following his innovative online marketing strategies and tactics.
- Parris Lampropoulos, David Deutsch and Eric Betuel—three of the wisest men in direct response (who happen to be copywriters) –who I have worked with intimately over my 40+ year career. The panel I am planning with them will be epic.
And that’s the tip of the iceberg.
Invites are out to some other special guests.
And…most of the attendees are members of my Titans Xcelerator Mastermind—marketing and copywriting rock stars in their own right—and many will deliver 12-minute “Spotlights” showcasing their expertise and genius.
There will be time for discussions, interactive meals (including a “Boardroom-Style Intentional Dinner”) …and much more.
Click here to register at an exclusive “family rate.”
Despite you not being a member of Titans Xcelerator, you can still attend at a very attractive price because you are part of THIS online family.
Once you register, you will receive a personal email from me and my wonderful assistant Carla with all of the details regarding travel and logistics.
Or if you are on the fence, email me with any questions…or if you need additional convincing. 🙂
I implore you to pick my brain and all the brains who will be in the room…and pick my pocket at the same time…because what you will learn and act on will be a fraction of the investment.
No felony (or even a misdemeanor) necessary.